


Of All The Things We Never Asked

by estriel



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Bromance to Romance, Confessions, Idiots in Love, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Slash, PyeongChang 2018 Winter Olympics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-01-26 08:56:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21371503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/estriel/pseuds/estriel
Summary: He’s been bottling up the truth for weeks now, perhaps months, not sure how to say it, when to say it... There are many things Javi is not sure about. But he is sure whom he wants to tell first.
Relationships: Javier Fernández/Yuzuru Hanyu
Comments: 16
Kudos: 95





	Of All The Things We Never Asked

It’s like a rising thickness in his throat, threatening to choke him if he doesn’t let it out, if he doesn’t speak soon. Not yet, not yet, Javi tells himself because he knows what will happen once the words are out. It will be real, it will be over. It will be the end.

He’s trembling, overwhelmed, riding the ultimate high… and yet somehow he is already falling, hurtling towards the ground with terrifying speed.

He’s been bottling up the truth for weeks now, perhaps months, not sure how to say it, when to say it... There are many things Javi is not sure about. But he is sure whom he wants to tell first.

He wishes Shoma was not there but at the same time, he is grateful for his presence. This way, it will look innocuous when he pulls Yuzu into an embrace, folding his other arm around Shoma. This way, he will perhaps not cry as much. This way, he will not do anything too stupid, like lean in and kiss away the tears he knows are coming.

“This is the last time we compete together. I will retire after Europeans.”

The words are out and Yuzu’s hand becomes a claw on his shoulder, sharp nails digging.

“No, Javi. _No_.”

Yuzu’s voice is a choked-up whimper and Javi feels guilty. This is not what an Olympic champion should sound like in his moment of triumph. But then again, Yuzu is many things that he should not be, perhaps, if one asked other people…

Broken, standing on an ankle that Javi knows is taped together and pumped so full of painkillers Yuzu can barely feel it. He definitely should not be that.

Too emotional, even in public, a deviation from a culture that advocates for a polished and polite appearance at all times.

Too touchy, when he hugs Javi, when he pulls him close, when he holds his hands in shows. Javi does not mind. But he knows there are others who do.

Too beautiful, and this is not a complaint anyone has, anyone but Javi, because Yuzu’s teary eyes should not sparkle like that, and his lip should not glisten like that, and his hair should not fall into his face just so, making Javi want to gaze into those eyes forever, to kiss that mouth, to tuck Yuzu’s hair behind his ear.

Then they call their names, write them into history, and all Javi can think of as he stands there on the podium he has been dreaming of for longer than he can remember, all he can think of is Yuzu, his fingertips brushing Javi’s, the smell of his hair, the familiar curve of waist and hip under Javi’s hand as they pose for photos.

“Please don’t stop skating,” Yuzu says once they’re finally away from the madness, finally out of sight, out of earshot, just the two of them standing in front of Yuzu’s room in the Olympic village. His voice sounds small, lost. Like he truly can’t do this without Javi, just like he had gasped at the arena when Javi told him about his retirement.

Javi gives him a sad smile. “I have to, Yuzu. My body – I can’t push it much further.”

Yuzu bobs his head in acknowledgement, but Javi can tell from the set of his shoulders that this is not a fact he accepts easily, not one that makes him happy. Javi reaches out, pulls Yuzu close, a familiar puzzle clicking together as Yuzu molds himself into him.

Yuzu feels frail in his arms, much smaller than the larger-than-life creature he becomes on the ice. A bird, all tender bones and fragile beauty. Yuzu’s feathery hair tickles Javi’s nose when Yuzu tucks his head under Javi’s chin for just a moment.

Then Yuzu looks up, takes a careful step away, once again the warrior, squaring his jaw to stop the trembling of his bottom lip.

“It’s over,” he says, and even though he doesn’t make it a question, Javi hears one anyway. It’s just the way it is, the way Yuzu is, a collection of unspoken questions that Javi thought he’d never know the answers to.

He looks at Yuzu now, at his familiar face, at the eyes that seem cold and cutting from afar, black and sharp like Yuzu’s blades, but are filled with hues of warm browns instead, if you look closely enough. Javi looks, close enough, closer still, and suddenly, the answers come to him.

“The competition is over,” he says, shrugs. “You’re no longer my rival.”

“Then what am I?” Yuzu asks, and Javi can hear the fluttering hope Yuzu is working very hard to conceal, can see the spark in his eyes. Nobody else would notice. But Javi knows Yuzu. Javi _knows_. Javi knows because he feels the same, has been carrying the very same wild hope inside his heart for months, if not years.

“You’re my –“ Javi starts, then stops himself. He may have the answers, his heart may know, but words… He’s never been very good with those. “You’re… mine,” he says, then realizes how it must sound, crazy and possessive. “My… anything. Anything you want to be,” he amends, and watches as Yuzu’s eyes shift, the hope flaring up like a wildfire, bright and dizzying.

Just like the words needed out, back at the arena, the urge to touch Yuzu is suddenly a physical need, one that Javi unleashes into the open at long last. He reaches out, catches one of Yuzu’s hands, cold and smaller in Javi’s hand, like they were made to match, the larger and the smaller spoon, folding into one another perfectly. Boldly, he runs the pad of his thumb over Yuzu’s knuckles, then interlinks their fingers. Touchy, they have always been. And yet this feels vastly different. Meaningful.

Yuzu watches him, inscrutable, and Javi starts panicking. Had he been wrong to show his cards? Had he misunderstood everything? Had he been just… following his silly heart, blinded by emotions, and misinterpreted everything?

Then Yuzu nods, more to himself this time. He fishes a keycard out of his pocket and presses it against the lock to open the door. He leans into it with his shoulder.

“Everything,” he says eventually, carefully. “I want to be… everything.”

He holds the door open, holds Javi’s gaze, holds Javi’s hand. He holds Javi’s heart. And Javi steps right in.

It feels like a beginning.

**Author's Note:**

> Loved it? Hated it? I'd love to know!


End file.
